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Planning the ideas. Introduce idea: While some people think that they have to be lucky to achieve their aims, I completely disagree. Paragraph 2: [people who work hard achieve success] [1] 1 s t example: Steve Jobs — his work to make Apple a huge success. Paragraph 3: [success does not depend on luck] [1] students who hope to be lucky in the exams and do not study will probably fail. However, I completely disagree with this opinion. I believe that only determined and industrious people will be successful in whatever they do. Hard-working people usually attain their goals.

For instance, Steve Jobs spent thousands of hours coding and experimenting to bring out the great Macintosh operating system that we use nowadays. Another clear case of success through determination is Nick Vujicic, an Australian motivational speaker, who sufferedfrom a rare disorder which resulted in the absence of four limbs. Despite not having any hands or legs, Vujicic earned a bachelor degree with a double major in accountancy and financial planning; he had his own family, and now he travels around the world to inspire people as a motivational speaker.

Firstly, people cannot solely be dependent on luck to become successful. If a student does not study for an exam, chances are he or she will fail, no matter how lucky he or she may be. Secondly, luck only contributes to short- term fortune. For instance, a person who wins a lottery is definitely lucky because winning a lottery does not require you to do anything to earn it. It purely depends on luck; yet, he or she cannot win the lottery for the rest of his or her life. In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I strongly believe that in order to achieve objectives in life, one must be extremely determined and hard- working to follow his or her passion till the end.

This time, therefore, I have not suggested any amendments at all. Notice, Bach, how effectively you based your paragraph 2 on examples which you know. These gave you enough material for a full paragraph. You had one big idea — people who work hard achieve their goals. Your topic sentence told me this idea. The examples were used expertly to develop and support the idea. So, when students are struggling to think of arguments, one or two relevant examples can make a very good paragraph This essay should score band 9 for task response.

I liked the clear and consistent statement of your strong view and the way in which you developed the justification for your opinion. Your paragraph 2 is all about the value of determination and industry in order to achieve the objectives that we set in life. I will say more about this paragraph in the next section of the marking criteria.

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The good point to make here is that you fully explained this argument and you developed and supported it with two relevant examples. The examples, in fact, were absolutely vital to your defence of the need to work hard and never quit. He is an inspirational man in many ways]. Paragraph 3 then dealt with another essential aspect of the task, the role of luck.

You make two points — luck is clearly not enough to achieve things like passing. Secondly, luck is rarely repeated — as indicated by your example of the lottery winner. In this context,. Example: Obesity is attributable to a poor diet and a lack of exercise. It means to succeed in getting something, usually after a lot of effort.

Example: The university only considers students who have attained high marks in. Example: Coding information into numbers and symbols requires advanced. Example: Many celebrities are not motivational speakers , however, it is their talents which inspire people rather than their words. Example: In cities with a lot of air pollution, many people suffer from health problems.

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Example: He suffers from a rare disorder of the liver, so many doctors had not seen a case like this before. Example: After the car accident, she lost the use of her limbs ; now, however, she can walk and use her hands normally. Example: A degree in mathematics in essential for a career in accountancy.

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The tickets. Numbers are chosen by chance and the people with those numbers win prizes. Example: I always go to the shop every week to buy lottery tickets, but I never win. Example: The organisation depends purely on contributions from the public, it. Example: A passion for computer technology drove Steve Jobs to overcome many problems.

Introduce idea: many people hold this opinion. I completely agree with it. Paragraph 2: [Problems if local customs are not followed] [1] Difficulties for new residents who do not follow customs and traditions of host country — example: if they start a business, they have to know local business customs in order to be successful. Paragraph 3: [Benefits of following local customs and traditions] [1] Local people will accept newcomers who do this — more integration, easier to make friends.

Conclusion: repeat, using some different words. Many people argue that foreigners should adapt to the local customs and traditions when they come to reside in a new country. I completely agree with this view.

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Newcomers will certainly face difficulties if they do not conform to the norms of social behaviour in the host country. Firstly, it will become almost impossible for them to blend into their new environment. For example, an entrepreneur who comes to live in a new country and starts up a business must be aware of the business practices of that country. There are bound to be many pitfalls, not only. Secondly, recent immigrants might fall foul of the law if they do not respect the behaviour and customs of locals.

In Singapore, for instance, residents will consider newcomers dirty and ill-mannered if they litter the street or spit gum in public places. There are also many benefits for foreigners when they do adopt the customs and traditions of their new country of residence. One advantage is that local people will be more welcoming when they feel that the newcomers are showing respect for the local way of life.

The establishment of closer links with the host community might lead to greater integration and mutual understanding. Another benefit is the richness of the experience which newcomers will gain from enjoying aspects of local customs and traditions, enabling them to participate in community life and avoid social isolation.


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During festivals and national holidays, especially,. In conclusion, I would argue that it is essential for new residents to follow the traditions and habits of locals in the host community in order to integrate fully into society. The idea is this: Opinion — completely agree. Paragraph 2 — pitfalls for. Paragraph 3 —. Example: The norms of social behaviour in Muslim countries include not drinking alcohol in public places.

Example: Refugees who escape from war zones often face difficulties in a new host country.